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The Silent blame: men determine the gender, women pay the price



Ten years ago, I visited a friend's home. Her family had about nine girls, each older than the next by just a year. The family was not well-to-do, and I began to question their decision to have so many children in this challenging Nigerian economy. It was not until last year, when they were finally blessed with a male child, that I understood everything.

Gender dictation is one of the many problems some couples face, and this is because childbirth is ultimately a genetic lottery.

The Genetic Lottery

Childbirth is a genetic lottery where females carry two X chromosomes (XX). Therefore, every egg a woman produces carries only an X chromosome.

The deciding factor, however, lies with the male, who carries both an X and a Y chromosome (XY). A man's sperm is the only variable in determining biological sex; it either carries an X (resulting in a girl) or a Y (resulting in a boy).

Biologically, a woman is a passive participant in gender determination. If a couple has five daughters, it is specifically because the father's Y-carrying sperm did not win the race.

Yet, in 2026, in many societies, a woman's worth is still tied to her "fertility," and fertility is wrongly defined as "the ability to produce a son." Women are still silently blamed for a man's biological inability to produce a male heir.



Why Do Some People Still Ignore Scientific Facts?


The persistence of patriarchal myths over clear scientific facts—whether regarding the biology of sex determination, the reality of emotional intelligence, or maternal health—is no accident. When people choose ignorance over science, it is rarely because the facts are too difficult to understand. It is because accepting those facts would require dismantling the hierarchy that keeps their power system afloat.

1. The Preservation of Infallibility

At its core, patriarchy relies on the myth of male infallibility and dominance. Science, by its very nature, is a great equalizer; it operates on objective data, not social status. When science reveals that a man’s biology has limitations, or that a woman's body holds the blueprint for species survival, it punctures the narrative of absolute male control. Choosing willful ignorance allows the dominant group to maintain a fragile ego and protect their status as the default, "perfect" standard of humanity.

 2. The "Seed and Soil" Framework

For thousands of years, cultures viewed women merely as passive incubators—the "soil"—while the man provided the active "seed" containing the human blueprint. Because patriarchal systems are deeply rooted in this ancient "soil" framework, blaming the woman for any reproductive outcome remains the default setting. To update this view with modern science would mean admitting that the "seed" is subject to chance, vulnerability, and biological accountability.

3. Guilt as a Tool of Social Control

Systems of oppression require a scapegoat to justify the unequal distribution of power. If a society accepts science, it strips leaders and patriarchs of a powerful emotional weapon: guilt. By keeping women under the psychological weight of perceived biological failure, the system achieves several things at once:


  • Justification for Mistreatment: It provides an excuse for divorce, abandonment, or taking multiple wives.
  • Compliance: A person buried under socially enforced shame is far less likely to demand political rights, financial independence, or bodily autonomy.
  • Diversion of Accountability: It keeps the community's focus on regulating women's bodies rather than questioning the flaws of the power structure itself.

4. The Institutional Cost of Truth
Accepting scientific facts isn't just an intellectual pivot; it carries massive legal, financial, and structural consequences. If a patriarchal society admits women are biologically equal (or, by many evolutionary metrics, the primary drivers of species survival), the legal framework must change. Inheritance laws, property rights, marriage contracts, and religious hierarchies are all built on the assumption of male superiority. Acknowledging scientific reality forces a domino effect that threatens the concentration of wealth and power within male lineages.

 5. The Mechanism of Denial
Weaponized ignorance is a survival strategy for privilege. When facts threaten power, power will always choose to deny the facts rather than surrender its position.


 Historical Victims of the Patriarchal Myth

History is filled with stories of women who paid a devastating price for not producing a male child.

Anne Boleyn & Henry VIII

King Henry VIII broke away from the Catholic Church just to marry Anne Boleyn, fully expecting a son. When Anne instead gave birth to a daughter (the future Queen Elizabeth I) and suffered subsequent miscarriages of male fetuses, Henry grew resentful. To get rid of her and try again with someone else, he manufactured false charges of adultery and treason. Anne was beheaded in 1536.

Henry VIII went through six wives, executing two and discarding others—destroying lives and upending an entire nation's religion—all because his own sperm was not successfully passing on the Y chromosome.

Empress Soraya of Iran (The 1950s)

This dynamic is not ancient history; it happened well into the modern era. Soraya Esfandiary-Bakhtiary married Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi of Iran in 1951. Soraya was deeply loved by the Shah and was an incredibly popular queen.

Despite their mutual love, the pressure from the patriarchal political system and the Shah's family was relentless. Soraya was subjected to intense medical scrutiny and public speculation. When treatments failed to produce a child, the Shah felt his masculinity and regime security were threatened. In 1958, the Shah tearfully divorced her because of her "barrenness" and exiled her from Iran. She spent the rest of her life in Europe, known by the media as "the princess with the sad eyes"—a woman cast aside because she could not provide a male continuation of a dynasty.

 The Mental Damage Women Face for Not Bearing a Son

 "Even when women know the science, societal conditioning is so strong that they still feel a deep sense of guilt and shame for not delivering what their partner or family wanted."

1. The Social Stigma: In many cultures, a woman's worth is tied to her ability to produce a son to carry on the family name. If she has only daughters, she is often treated as a failure by her in-laws and community.

2. The Financial & Physical Toll:Women are often forced into successive, dangerous pregnancies, risking their health and lives in desperate attempts to finally give birth to a boy


3. The Ultimate Rejection:Women face extreme consequences including divorce, emotional abandonment, domestic abuse, or their husbands taking second wives under the guise of "needing an heir."

4. The Impact on Daughters: When a mother is blamed for having girls, those daughters grow up sensing they were a disappointment from birth. The cycle of low self-esteem continues into the next generation.

5. The Imposter Syndrome of Motherhood: Mothers suffer under the psychological weight of perceived biological failure. They endure psychological abuse, divorce, and social shaming for something they literally cannot control.

A Call for Change


I urge us to become educated and embrace a profound shift in perspective. Both male and female children should be treated equally. Whether a child is male or female, they are a blessing to the family.

Even though we know the science behind gender determination, we must stop ignoring it. It is time to speak up and challenge the system. This is 2026, and things must change for the better.


A/N:

 have you or anyone around been under pressure to deliver a male child? Share your experiences in the comments?

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